How to Love: In the Words of Louise Hay

Love comes when we least expect it, when we are not looking for it. Love is never outside ourselves, love is within us. Don’t settle for anybody just to have someone. Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract? List the qualities in yourself, and you will attract a person who has them. Be ready for love when it does come. Be loving, and you will be lovable. Be open and receptive to love. – Louise L. Hay

You wish for better, but do you welcome it?

Every now and then we all find ourselves at a particular point in our lives when we wish that things would get just a little bit better.  And boy is it easy to become so consumed with what is going on around you, only to forget about everything that is already “better.” 

During the course of my own life journey I’ve been known to complain here and there about how much I need a break from what life dishes out at me. Yes, guilty as charged. But it’s never really long before I am reminded of the role that I must play, in order for things to lighten up. 

First of all, there’s this little concept called “attitude of gratitude.” The way it works is that when you approach life and situations with the energy and intentions of being grateful, instead of being full of complaints, then Universe will only return to you more things to be grateful for. It really does work this way… TRIED & TRUE!  

But it must be accompanied by an additional action on your behalf. That is, letting go of whatever it is that you have held on to. This can be a number of things such as past relationships, old and new fears, bad habits, criticism of yourself and others, and past hurts and offenses among other things. These are the things that keep you in bondage and can block any and every blessing that the GOD truly intends for you. Without letting go of this excessive baggage, quite frankly you wouldn’t know better if it smacked you in the face.

Think about it, how often is it that you visit places where you know you are not welcomed, especially if  its overcrowded? My guess is that most people naturally avoid such awkward situations. Animals instinctively do this too, and life responds the same exact way. Only the  things that you welcome into your life become a frequent part of your life experience, because it’s what you allow at the time.

Learn to release those things that serve you no good because it’ll only be taking up the space within. If you don’t welcome better with open arms by releasing all things old, then how will the “good” ever come? You must trust that the very things that you are wanting, want you just as bad. But you have to make those things feel welcomed.

@BCSTARKS over and out! 🙂

Be specific, not careful with what you ask for

‘Be careful what you ask for…’

We’ve heard this saying time and time again. It has practically been run into the ground so much that many of us have become desensitized to the power asking. Many of our parents and grandparents have, at some point, forewarned us of the true power that we as humans have when we put so much focus into a thought that it becomes our reality. But how often is it that you truly pay attention to the creations of your personal world?

If you are a member of  Western society, my guess is that  much of your attention is often clouded by the many happenings of your temporary reality.  So much, that you often forget how many times along your life journey that you weren’t so passive about life. Instead, in many instances  you were decisive about what moves you were going to make, the things that you wanted to experience, the people who you wanted to experience them with, and how you wanted to feel. You were specific with the Universe about your requests, and in a matter of time (seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, or years) your very wishes became your reality. However, by the time you received what you were asking for, you were already on to the next request. And so you forget.

This blog post was written to remind you that you are more powerful than you can imagine, and that your focus means EVERYTHING in terms of your requests of  Universe.

You cannot ask and expect to receive if you are not specific with what it is you are wanting. If uncertainty is the dominant position that you hold, then the Universe will return  to you the dominant energy of your focus. The Universe does not discriminate and consistently gives you energy driven  experiences that are based on the exact energy that you give to it.

So my advice is to be mindful of where your focus is. Instead of always being careful what you ask for, try being specific with your requests. Once you decide, the Universe will bend at your very request. But you have to make up your mind…

How to experience better relationships with the people in your life

The key to experiencing better relationships comes from the idea of learning how to see the best in others. If you constantly dwell on what you don’t like about someone, you will typically draw more of what you do not like from that person. If your disposition about a person is always negative, then the basis of your experience with that person will be negative.

The opposite is also true. If you can learn to give your attention to the best qualities in a person, rather than the negative ones, then your experience with that person will be more pleasant than not.

Our perception of the world around us is based on how we choose to see things. When we label someone because of how we choose to see them, our perception of them is not WHO they are. It’s only a perception that we hold of them based on what we choose to see in them. 

If you can learn to change your focus, then you can change your relationship with any, and every person in your life.  Especially the most important relationship of all; your relationship with YOU! (Check out more about this topic here)

Since when has focusing on a problem ever brought about real change?

My guess is… NEVER.

Ever wonder why every time anyone has ever decided to “fight” against something that they do not agree with, more of it shows up. The fight against Cancer, the fight against terrorism, the fight against crime, the fight against baby-mommas and daddies [PAUSE… cricket, cricket]. Yet, these so-called problems continue to exist, and on a large-scale.

 In the words of Esther Hicks, “You just can’t get there, from there…”

Ironically, it’s when you decided to stop giving those things your attention and start focusing on solutions that make you FEEL BETTER, that these so-called issues that you may be having seemingly disappear.

STOP being so stubborn in your negative views and START trying to see things from an optimistic perspective. Start finding things to be appreciative for, no matter what the so-called problem is that you’re facing. The more you practice doing this, the more you’ll start noticing that you have more to be thankful for than not, and the smaller the issue becomes. Eventually it will no longer be a problem.

The moral of the story is: When things aren’t going your way, learn to CHANGE YOUR FOCUS, because your focus is the only thing that’s really keeping you from being happy, or healthy, or prosperous, or loved, or whatever it is that you’re wanting to experience in life. Your focus is the only TRUE thing that YOU CAN CONTROL; not anything or anyone else outside of you. When you can understand that NOTHING OUTSIDE OF YOU CAN DECIDE YOUR HAPPINESS, then you will have unlocked the door to freedom forever.

Be easy y’all.

Salon Talk: Respecting Your Process

I had a therapy session with my mom and her client at the salon today. The topic of “getting there” was up for discussion. Lets just say I had my way with this one. I broke it down in phases, so that I wouldn’t be misunderstood. So here’s how it went.

The Complaint:

“I can’t wait until ________ happens… I’m just so ready because this current situation is just not working for me. And I know that once ________ happens, I’m gonna be so much better.”

So my question was,” How does waiting for _______ to happen make you feel?”

The Feeling Behind The Complaint:

“I’m anxious. I’m tired of being patient. This needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon. I just don’t understand why it hasn’t this happened yet. But when it does, I’ll be in a better place.”

The Lightbulb Moment:

One of the most profound lessons that life is teaching me, is to respect the processes of life. Everything in life is a process, and that process will happen with or without your opinion about how long it should take. We usually have no say so in them, we just go along for the ride and anxiously hope for a better situation.

The cool thing about processes is that no matter what your process is, you have to know that it is there to teach you something. And instead of being anxious for that “something” to happen, recognize the lessons to be learned around you and allow yourself to grow in certain areas.

Success at anything usually happens when the people involved are truly ready for them (whether its love, running a successful business, getting an A on a test).  You have to grow in certain areas of your life to have success at anything. People usually realize this from hindsight. But once you understand and can accept that this is a life principle that does not discriminate, you can then begin to look at life differently.

My Suggestion:

Instead of finding things to complain about while you wait, try a different approach for a change. Something like:

“You know, I might not be there yet, or I might not have _________ yet, but I trust that I’ll get there. I’m thankful for where I am, because things could be so much worse than what they are. I am glad that I’m exposed to certain people, places, and things that will allow me to grow each day. Right now, I am being chiseled and sculpted, a9ond the kind of success that I want will happen when I am ready for it (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally) and if its meant for me. Meanwhile, I am getting there, I am getting better every single day, and I respect my process because I will arrive soon enough.”

Notice how different you feel when you take your focus away from what is bad, and turn it towards more positive thoughts… Better, right? Also, recognize that the minute you stop stressing about something, the sooner you get the answer you were looking for, or the sooner you see the results that you were hoping for.

And this my friends is how you practice the art of RESPECTING YOUR PROCESS. Hope it helps! 🙂